EU confirm they will extend Article 50 until all leave voters have died

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The European Union have today announced that they will extend Article 50 until everyone in Britain is in favour of remaining part of it.

After MPs voted yesterday to reject Boris Johnson’s timetable to rush through his Withdrawal Agreement Bill, the EU have now somewhat ironically ‘taken back control’ of the Brexit process.

Addressing reporters in Brussels this morning, European Council president Donald Tusk explained, “Boris Johnson’s deal is even worse for Britain than Theresa’s. All the forecasts suggest that any Brexit – deal or no deal – will be catastrophic for the United Kingdom, and despite them sticking two fingers up at us with the 2016 referendum, we do actually care about their well-being as a nation. That is what the EU is all about, after all.”

He continued, “So we will happily grant the UK an extension to Article 50 until all the Leave voters have died, which demographic analysis suggests won’t be all that long. Then we can just forget that all this happened and go back to building a prosperous union of countries.”

Political commentator Christopher James noted, “Well that is just daft, and borderline offensive.

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“For a start, most leave voters were misled by the government or Leave.EU propaganda, so they shouldn’t be punished for this mess. Punish the liars, not those lied to.

“Secondly, a number of Leave voters will have changed their minds as it has become more apparent over time that Brexit won’t deliver the ‘sunlit uplands’ it promised.

“And thirdly, you don’t need ALL leave voters to die in order to get a majority in favour of remaining – just the twenty or so left that still think Brexit is a good idea.

“And Mark Francois said he’d explode if Britain didn’t leave on October 31st, so that’ll be one down, for a start.”