In a bid to hobble the Brexit Party ahead of a General Election, Chancellor of the Exchequer Sajid Javid has publicly declared that he has no intention of assessing any possible impact of his policies as he fully embraced the Brexiter credo of refusing facts and relying on mystical national virtues.
Simon Williams, a Communications Strategist for the Conservative Party, explained that the statement should leave no doubt that the Tories were the natural home of the opinionated imbecile.
He told us, “We have listened to the people and we understand that they are tired of so-called experts mocking their half-arsed notions of how global trade works based on nothing more than overheard conversations in the pub and a decade of watching A Place In The Sun.
“The Chancellor was an investment banker before entering politics so if there’s one thing he knows well, it’s making rash decisions for an immediate short-term gain while ignoring the obvious catastrophe these will cause further down the road.
“We didn’t need any plans or assessments for D-Day and we don’t need them now. We just need to get on with it, and if ivory tower economists say that we are going to create a recession like this country has not seen in a century, then Sajid will tap the bridge of his nose and say that German carmakers will be kicking Merkel’s door down soon, just you see.”
Mr Williams also explained that the Exchequer will progressively phase out accountants and trade experts to gradually replace them with a xenophobic loudmouth called Steve whose knowledge of trade and industry is entirely based on an unsuccessful two-year stint selling double-glazing during the nineties.