Nation wondering if Boris Johnson has a particular ditch in mind, or if we should find one for him

author avatar by 4 years ago

After Boris Johnson requested a Brexit extension from the EU, despite insisting he’d rather be dead in a ditch than do so, the nation has asked if he has a particular ditch in mind.

Boris sent the letter, as required by law, late last night and by this morning was inundated with questions as to whether he had chosen a ditch.

Voter Simon Williams told us, “This green and lush country has thousands of miles of ditches, so it’s not like he’s short of options – maybe that’s what is taking him so long, trying to narrow it down to just one ditch to die in?

“Does he want to be laid to rest in a ditch in his constituency of Uxbridge, or maybe he’d prefer a ditch near Eton or Oxford, for old times sake? Perhaps he’d like a little ditch in the back garden of 10 Downing Street?”

Meanwhile, other voters have suggested that Boris being dead in a ditch is quite a high price just because he had to write a letter he said he’d never send.

Basingstoke resident Janine Matthews told us, “I would never advocate violence against an MP just because I disagree with their politics – that would be the sign of a very troubled mind – but being dead in a ditch was his idea, so by assisting we’re merely helping him finally achieve something.

“To be honest, it will be quite nice for him to actually keep a promise to the electorate, given he’s broken every other one since becoming the prime minister.

“But let me be clear, if he’s having trouble finding a suitable ditch, I’d happily dig him one.”