Friday 18 October 2019 by Chris Ballard

Woman puzzled as to why husband keeps dressing children like twats


Man dressing his child

A mother of two can’t work out why her husband insists on putting clothes on their kids which make them look like they’ve escaped from the circus.

Karen Williams looked at her husband Simon – he was wearing blue jeans, a light blue shirt and a navy sweater. He was completely colour-coordinated – smart, if a little unadventurous.

She then looked at their children who Simon had just dressed.

Ten-month-old Nathalie was crawling around in a back-to-front pink dress which was tucked into a pair of yellow tights.

Meanwhile, three-year-old Albert had been given a green ‘Hulk’ t-shirt complemented by an orange hoodie and was suffering the indignation of some tiny red trousers which obviously belonged to his little sister.

“I just don’t understand it,” said Karen. “Simon’s been dressing himself for nearly forty years and manages to leave the house without looking like a complete moron.

“Why does he think our children need to go to the park dressed up as if they’re raising money for Comic Relief?”

Simon maintained that he was doing his best under difficult circumstances.

“Look, basically all my clothes are either blue or beige. Don’t get me wrong, I liven things up with different shades of blue and beige but it’s really very easy to know what goes with what.

“But kids’ clothes are tough! Especially when they keep growing – all those different colours and sizes!

“Girls are the worst – sometimes I pick up an item of our daughter’s clothing and have to count the holes to work out which half of her it’s supposed to go on!

“It’s impossible!”

Little Albert said, “Dad hasn’t yet worked out that every time he dresses me like a twat I’m gonna wake him up at five the following morning. I suspect he never will.”

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