Thursday 17 October 2019 by Lucas Wilde

London commuters delighted to take out permanent bad mood on some protesters


Angry commuters let fly at protesters

London’s commuters were finally given the chance to exorcise their permanent states of despair and annoyance today.

Extinction Rebellion took the controversial step of disrupting the tube service this morning, despite the tube being a relatively low-carbon-emitting form of public transport which helps to discourage the use of cars in the capital.

“Yeah but it’s about disruption. That’s what an effective protest is,” said Extinction Rebellion protestor, Simon Williams, standing on top of a tube train.

“You see the point is-”

At this point Simon was cut off by an almighty chokeslam from Jay Cooper, a 37-year-old IT support manager who was already late for work, garnering cheers from fellow commuters on the platform.

“I’m already in a bad mood, and have been for the last nine years of commuting across London,” confirmed Cooper, hurling Williams onto the platform with a satisfying ‘crack’.

“I agree that things need to be done to draw attention to climate change, but any further disruption to my already incredibly irritating life sure as fuck better not be one of them.

“…God that felt good. Are there any more of these wankers? I’ve always wanted to try that crane kick from the Karate Kid movies.

“No? Ok great. Let’s get everyone into the misery tin! Let’s get to those jobs we hate that pay us just enough to continue travelling to them.”

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