The Prime Minister’s fancy new Brexit deal is actually just Theresa May’s old ones wearing a cunning disguise.
Boris Johnson has excitedly announced that the UK will soon be taking back control – once, of course, the EU approves his new Brexit deal.
It seems that Boris has done what Mrs May apparently could not – get rid of the pesky Irish backstop whilst keeping the EU happy.
“This deal is far more sophisticated than Theresa’s,” said Boris.
“Just look at its mature trilby and oversized coat. The sunglasses? Oh, they’re just to shade its eyes from the brilliant and permanent sunshine of a newly liberated UK!”
However, all was not as it seemed; it was revealed that under the new agreement Northern Ireland would still be treated differently to the rest of the UK.
“It didn’t take long for people to see through the – frankly rather shit – disguise,” said Political Analyst Simon Williams.
“Boris’ deal is clearly just May’s rejected ones all stacked up like three six-year-olds trying to get served in Wetherspoons while wearing their father’s clothes.
“It’s wobbling all over the place and isn’t likely to get very far.”
However Boris remains bullish about the deal which he continues to insist is incomparable to the ones that came before it.
“This deal is completely different!” he insisted.
“For a start, it wasn’t made by a woman so has the weight and authority that Theresa’s deal always lacked.
“And there’s no backstop. I’ve agreed an alternative set of arrangements known as the stopback.