Tuesday 15 October 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Voter ID scheme part of a Tory portfolio of expensive solutions to problems that don’t exist


Voter ID

The Conservatives have been coming up with ideas and God help us all.

In the wake of the Conservative plan that all voters must produce photographic ID in order to repvent voter fraud, even though only eight such instances were reported at the last election (that’s not even a joke, have a Google) at an estimated cost of twenty million pounds, it has emerged that this is just one in a portfolio of similarly expensive solutions to problems that don’t exist.

A NewsThump investigation (really? – ed) has revealed that other solutions from the government’s portfolio of ideas include:

  1. Special socks for keeping police batons warm
  2. Toothpick sharpeners for the under-tens
  3. Safety melons
  4. Fire-fighter-fighters, “to add an extra challenge/layer of fun for the fire crews”
  5. One prostitute per factory

“Roughly a billion pounds in total,” beamed Conservative spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“Money well spent, I think you’ll agree. Along with the voter ID scheme, of course.”

“Hmm? What? The homeless? Don’t be daft. There’s no magic money tree you know.”

Factory worker, Raymond Phelps, said, “We don’t need a prostitute. The asbestos in this factory killed off our libidos long ago.

“If you could do something about the asbestos, that would be super.”

Williams offered “There’s no money left, sorry.”

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