Tuesday 15 October 2019 by Arabin Patson

Prince Charles declares he doesn’t want the job anymore after Queen humiliates herself with government’s speech


Prince Charles not interested in being king

After watching his mother forced to read an election manifesto for a lying oaf she clearly detests, the Prince of Wales has declared there is no amount of prestige and palaces that make that level of debasement worthwhile.

Simon Despenser-Williams, Gentleman Usher to his Royal Highness, announced the decision to the press.

“Prince Charles understands the solemn duty that comes from being the next in line to the throne, but he is also a human being with feelings and a need for dignity. No man can watch his mother used as a political puff piece for a devious sack of shit and not feel upset.

“He can’t see himself sitting impassively reading a laundry list of crypto-racist tropes for the ‘Bring back hanging’ mob while a dilettante twat with a superiority complex smirks like a schoolboy who has just let off a nasty fart in assembly.

“As such, Prince Charles announces that, when the moment comes, he will step aside and let someone else read idiotic promises to expel all foreigners.

“He feels he will be more useful to the country making posh jams and biscuits to flog to Chinese tourists as that looks like the only economic sector that has any sort of future.”

Mr Despenser-Williams also insisted that skipping a generation would not cause a constitutional crisis.

“As for the succession, Prince William is perfectly capable of accessing the throne and should that fail, his brother will step in.

“As it happens, Prince Harry has recently become an assiduous scholar of ancient royal prerogatives, albeit with a slight focus on the legalities of stringing up tabloid editors by their todgers from the city gates.

“Apparently it’s fine as long as you do it on Whitsun Sunday.”

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