An office worker from Croydon has been staring blankly at his desk in abject misery for the past 2 hours, as a passing question intended as small talk has led several of his colleagues to give him a blow by blow account of the public dispute between Coleen Rooney and Rebekah Vardy.
Simon Williams, a Compliance Assistant for a small investment firm, explained his mistake during a break from the conversation that he obtained by pretending to need the toilet.
“How could I be so stupid? I overheard one of them mention Coleen Rooney and I remember seeing that name on the tabloid someone was reading on the bus. It was a simple question but it just set them off.
“I have just spent the morning listening to a forensic examination of a tedious story about two housewives sharing stuff one of them put on Instagram which I thought was the point of Instagram, but apparently not.
“Raj and Karen have had one argument already and I’m pretty sure Svetlana is making a powerpoint to explain this shit further.”
Mr Williams also feared he would be unable to stop the incredibly dull conversation that was started ostensibly to enlighten him.
“I had a brief window earlier on to tell them I don’t give a toss but now it’s too late.
“If I tell them to stop it they will think it’s because they are dull. And I’ve nodded politely so they think I’m interested. It’s even spread to the office Whatsapp chat. I can’t deal with this bollocks for the whole day.
“I’ll give you a tenner if you set off the fire alarm.”