Friday 11 October 2019 by Arabin Patson

Man bitterly regrets asking coworkers what was all the fuss about Coleen Rooney


Bored man hearing about Coleen Rooney

An office worker from Croydon has been staring blankly at his desk in abject misery for the past 2 hours, as a passing question intended as small talk has led several of his colleagues to give him a blow by blow account of the public dispute between Coleen Rooney and Rebekah Vardy.

Simon Williams, a Compliance Assistant for a small investment firm, explained his mistake during a break from the conversation that he obtained by pretending to need the toilet.

“How could I be so stupid? I overheard one of them mention Coleen Rooney and I remember seeing that name on the tabloid someone was reading on the bus. It was a simple question but it just set them off.

“I have just spent the morning listening to a forensic examination of a tedious story about two housewives sharing stuff one of them put on Instagram which I thought was the point of Instagram, but apparently not.

“Raj and Karen have had one argument already and I’m pretty sure Svetlana is making a powerpoint to explain this shit further.”

Mr Williams also feared he would be unable to stop the incredibly dull conversation that was started ostensibly to enlighten him.

“I had a brief window earlier on to tell them I don’t give a toss but now it’s too late.

“If I tell them to stop it they will think it’s because they are dull. And I’ve nodded politely so they think I’m interested. It’s even spread to the office Whatsapp chat. I can’t deal with this bollocks for the whole day.

“I’ll give you a tenner if you set off the fire alarm.”

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