Friday 11 October 2019

Dads insisting any sentence that begins “I think it’s cold enough to put on…” should end with “a jumper”


Dads say put a jumper on

Dads across the country have begun their annual battle against anyone who wants to put the heating on.

As temperatures drop to levels most Dads still call “still warm enough”, homes across the nation have seen fraught conversations around the use of the thermostat.

Dad, Simon Williams, told us, “You have to nip it in the bud early.  Any family member who approaches you with a slightly blue tint to their lips is definitely going to want the heating on, so just get right in there and tell them to add another jumper.  If they’ve already got one on, tell them to try two. Or three. Or a duvet.

“There is no earthly reason why the central heating needs to go on this early in October. Hell, they’re lucky I agreed to put the hot water on. Turning the heating on is literally burning money.”

Simon’s daughter Emily told us, “Dad appears to have inherited his ideas on heating the home from his great-great-great-great-great grandad, and his attitude to spending money on luxuries like ‘keeping warm’ from Ebenezer Scrouge.

“I’ve tried approaching the thermostat on a couple of occasions, but he’s like a lion protecting his pride, the growl from the other room told me to step very carefully from that point on.

“I’d just like to be a little bit warmer, that’s all – I don’t think that’s too much to ask given this is a first world country and Dad happily spunks seventy-quid a month on satellite TV with all the sports channels.

“Honestly, if the dog was any bigger I’d consider cutting her open and sleeping inside her.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: