Thursday 10 October 2019 by Dan Sweryt

Warning that thousands could starve to death on rail network after food ban


trains lack of snacking

Commuters who spend up to two weeks stuck on delayed trains waiting for them to arrive at their destination may starve to death after a snacking ban was mooted.

England’s outgoing chief medical officer, Dame Sally Davies, suggested that snacking should be banned on public transport without any consideration that trains often take longer to arrive at a destination than a horse and cart back in the 1500s.

Skinny commuter Simon Williams, said, “They’ve not thought this snacking ban through – at all. I’m regularly on trains for two or three weeks at a time, just trying to get to work. If I’m not allowed to eat on them, I’ll waste away.”

Inaccurately described regular traveller, Eleanor Gay, said, “The days I’ve remembered to take my breakfast, lunch and dinner – all three courses – with me, have been the better ones. Though I was obviously still starving when I eventually got to my destination – because I hadn’t taken into account the fact I might be stuck on the train somewhere between Peterborough and Grantham for six and a half days.”

Annoyed passenger and hopeless marketing executive, Christopher James, added, “They should change the motto to ‘A Mars a day keeps you alive during delays’.

“You can have that one for free.”

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