Tuesday 8 October 2019 by Neil Tollfree

New government climate change policy is to ‘prevent people reminding everyone about climate change’

Boris Johnson on climate change

The Government has announced that its new climate change policy will be to do its best to prevent people reminding everyone about climate change.

Understanding the impact of the oncoming climate catastrophe, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has moved quickly to implement the new government policy by calling climate protest group Extinction Rebellion ‘uncooperative crusties’ and calling on them to end their protests.

“Look, this climate stuff is just terribly depressing and no one really wants to have to think about it,” explained Mr Johnson, possibly after having sex with an American businesswoman, it’s pretty unclear.

“So, I say to Extinction Rebellion, let’s all think about something much nicer instead, like bunny rabbits or ice-cream.”

Tory supporters approved of the plans.

“Yeah, I don’t see why I have to think about a climate catastrophe,” explained Simon Williams, a Tory supporter and sociopath.

“I mean, it’s not happening right now and I’ve got more important things to think about, like who’s going to win Strictly and whether to have fish fingers for tea, or not.

“I’m with Boris, let’s all think about something else and when climate change happens, I’m sure the people will deal with it then. Or we’ll evolve gills or something, we’ll be OK.”

It is expected that Tory Party policy on climate change will continue to be ‘preventing people from reminding everyone about climate change’ right up until the moment the climate catastrophe takes effect, and then it will move to blaming people for not reminding everyone about climate change.

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