by 
Local man Simon Williams has stuffed his shorts in the back of the drawer for another year today, secretly pleased that he can stop wearing the damn things.
Simon, who has worn shorts since May and quietly hated every second of it, breathed a sigh of relief after realising the weather was unlikely to be good enough to have to get them out again for the best part of six to eight months.
“You wouldn’t believe the peer pressure to have to expose my pasty calves,” he said, whilst staring at the rain outside with an expression of happy contentment.
“As soon as the sun comes out in spring, all the other men start wearing board shorts or combat shorts with those big pockets and you just can’t be seen in long trousers for the best part of six months without being judged.
“So you end up walking around with eight inches of leg showing and looking like a bit of a twat for the summer.
“Thank God that’s over until next year. Now I get to look forward to Christmas Jumpers, for fucks sake.”
