I told you we should have just hacked her phone, says exasperated Piers Morgan

author avatar by 5 years ago

After interviewing Jennifer Arcuri on TV this morning and failing to draw out any revelations, Piers Morgan is wishing he’d just hacked her phone instead.

The US businesswoman appeared on Good Morning Britain earlier and refused to directly answer any questions about her relationship with Boris Johnson, other than to say that he came round to her flat alone for a drink a number of times, which is a perfectly normal way for a married mayor of a capital city to behave.

“This is the problem with interviewing people on TV,” ranted Piers Morgan, ramming two Greggs sausage rolls into his mouth and kicking a passing intern.

“You ask them a direct question about whether they had an affair with the current Prime Minister and they just waffle on about other stuff. If I had her mobile number to give to my contacts then we’d doubtless find a voicemail from Boris begging her not to reveal that they had an affair – and that would be my job done.”

As Susanna Reid administered his daily post-show sedative he could be heard to murmur, “Boy, do I miss the good old days…”

After watching the interview this morning, political commentator Simone Williams noted, “What’s remarkable is that Ms Arcuri chose not to deny any affair outright. Most women would jump at the chance to say on record that they hadn’t slept with Boris, regardless of whether they had or not.

“It’s almost as if she can earn a lot of money from these interviews, and the longer she strings out the intrigue the more she will rake in.”