Thursday 3 October 2019 by Mr Hooves

Scotland votes to ban smacking but to retain the headbutt


Angry man headbutt

In a historic double vote, MSPs voted to ban smacking children but reaffirmed the use of the ”Glasgow kiss” as the traditional Caledonian greeting.

“Clearly hitting children is wrong, and we’re happy to stop doing that, but dropping the nut on someone is as Scottish as fried pizza or rampant religious bigotry, and we must do all we can to maintain our much loved national rituals,” said MSP Simon Williams.

When asked how the traditional Scottish Headbutt differed from other versions available elsewhere, MSP Williams added “It’s all in the presentation.

“First we have the vacant Buckfast/Heroin based stare. Then there is the rise off the floor shouting the traditional “Whasssyerfeckinlookinatyazbastards” and then, and only then, can the coup be bonce be properly administered, Preferably to an English tourist.

“It’s an integral part of our heritage. It has been used by everyone from the ancient Picts to William Wallace through to Bonnie Prince Charlie and Russ Abbott.

“An’ whaa’ yer lookin’ a’ yer shite…”

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