Boris Johnson’s team have reacted furiously to a suggestion by Michel Barnier that the UK’s proposals were obviously designed to blame the EU for No Deal as it contained no workable solution to the Irish border question but over 400 insults directed at each European nation.
The EU claimed that having the foul-smelling document, delivered late by a sullen teenager and addressed to Frogface Barmier, was a calculated move to ensure rejection, and allow Boris Johnson to claim any No Deal fallout was the EU’s fault. Something categorically denied by Simon Williams MP, a junior minister for DexEU.
He explained, “We made our proposals in good faith and were never seeking to insult that assorted bunch of workshy wine drinkers that would all be German speakers if it weren’t for us.
“It is possible that there might have been a few cases of auto-corrected typos that changed perfectly sensible offers on cross-border veterinary certificates to words like Vespa riding whop or humourless kraut boxhead. But frankly, that is to be expected when things are done in urgency just as it is normal for legal documents to have a few faecal smears on them.”
Mr Williams also denied that Brexit policy was now only done with a view to capture the far-right vote and soothe ERG eurosceptics such as himself.
“If those unwashed eurocrats want to pretend to be offended then that’s nothing to do with us.
“As for me, I do not like the EU but I love Europe. That’s why I have a lovely vineyard and converted windmill in the Bordeaux area where my wife has claimed permanent residence.
“I’m even watching ‘Allo ‘Allo! to learn their bizarre donkey-braying language.”