Thursday 3 October 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Anti-free-movement Priti Patel suffers whiplash from pulling ladder up too fast


Priti Patel whiplash

Priti Patel is in hospital having pulled the ladder up behind her a bit too quickly.

The Home Secretary is recovering in hospital after declaring that she would end free movement of people and restrict the abilities of certain immigrants to settle in the UK.

Patel is the child of immigrants herself, her parents having moved to Britain from Uganda in the 1960s, so she’s alright, jack.

“But sod the rest of you,” confirmed a Tory party spokesperson.

“We are all very proud of Priti. Enjoying privileges and opportunities before ripping them away from those coming up behind you is what being a Conservative is all about.

“Shame to say she yanked the ladder up a bit too hard, but she’s recovering nicely and smiling that seemingly innocent smile which hides a soul that voted against same-sex marriage and voted to bring back the death penalty.”

“Really could have used that ladder” sighed a mournful Simonski Williams, a Polish immigrant.

“By “ladder” I mean the free movement of people. It’s what you English call a “metaphor” and what we Polish also call a “metaphor” except we say it in Polish.”

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