Wednesday 2 October 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Photo of Boris rolling up his sleeves actually shows him preparing for a big wank


Boris Johnson rolls up his sleeves for a big wank

A photo of Boris Johnson has been widely misconstrued.

The photo depicts the Prime Minister sat in front of his MacBook while rolling up his sleeves as if he’s about to do some hard work, which sending an email or two definitely isn’t.

“Turns out that wasn’t it all,” said Simon Williams, a now permanently-haunted publicity photographer.

“As per almost everything with Boris, it was something far more sinister and sexual.

“He was sat in front of the laptop and chose to roll up his sleeves, and I thought that would be a great shot as it shows him ready to get down to work, even though nobody in the history of office or admin work has ever had to roll up their sleeves for anything beyond trying to fix a paper jam.

“But then he got his cock out, at which point I stopped taking photographs and threw up into a bin.

“Turns out what was on his laptop wasn’t anything to do with Brexit, but a YouTube clip compilation of Angela Lansbury smiling coquettishly.

“He didn’t even ask me to leave the room. He’s an absolute animal.

“I get that everyone needs to destress once in a while, but Angela Lansbury? Is nothing sacred?

Boris Johnson commented “RUFF RAAAahhh…”

“All done.”

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