Tuesday 1 October 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Tories continue to modernise as only 53 conference delegates turn up in blackface this year


Tory Conference only a few blackfaces

The Conservative party is continuing its march into the 21st century.

The Conservative party conference is on this week and, contrary to previous years, only a few dozen have opted to black up this year.

“And I even spotted a Jap with a blue rosette on earlier,” beamed Conservative MP, Simon Williams.

“It’s remarkable, it really is. We’ve come so far. Next year I daresay NOBODY will black up, although it is just a bit of fun, but people do get the hump these days, don’t they?

“Anyway, we’ve got a wide variety of people within our ranks now. One poor bastard I spoke to was from Stoke, for example.

“Some of our traditions will always live on, I hope, like the early-bird, group masturbation sessions to a big picture of Margaret Thatcher while Michael Heseltine shouts ‘FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY’ at all of us.

“But yes, blackface will go the way of John Major.”

Journalist, Jay Cooper, said, “I truly hate coming here.

“Half the stuff I see I can’t print, either due to a gagging order or sheer public decency, so I’m being scarred for life for nothing.

“I’ve blacked up partly to blend in but also so nobody can see my tears.”

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