Monday 30 September 2019 by Pete Redfern

Explorers discover woman who hasn’t yet been propositioned by either Boris Johnson or Donald Trump


Trump and Boris

Explorers have stumbled across the only female on the planet who hasn’t been propositioned by either the leader of the UK or the USA, according to reports.

The woman (who cannot be named for her own safety), an unemployed basket-weaver in outer Mongolia, is thought to be the only woman alive who has managed to avoid having either of the bloated, sordid, sexually deviant world leaders try to grope her or ask her for sex.

One of the explorers, Simon Williams, told us, “The original aim of our global expedition around the world was to uncover hidden tribes and to discover new flora and fauna.

“And we have done that, to a certain extent, but nothing could prepare us for a mind-blowing discovery of this magnitude.

“We found her out in the wilderness, hunting for food, and so we naturally asked the questions we normally ask all the ladies we stumble across: Did she speak English, which tribe did she belong to, and which out of Boris or Donald had tried to seduce her.”

He continued, “And then a remarkable thing happened – she looked at us and in her own language replied ‘Who are they?’. We were stunned, I can tell you!

“It turns out that not only has she NOT had part of her body groped by one of these two, but she hadn’t even heard of either of them. A very lucky woman on both counts, I’d have said.”

Responding to the news, Boris replied, “That’s strange – there would have been a good reason for it, I’m sure. She must have been a 1 or at best a 2, that’s all I can guess.”

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