Thursday 26 September 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Boris Johnson calls mum a shitter, slams bedroom door and refuses to come down for dinner


Boris Johnson

Horrible spoilt little boy Boris Johnson has called his mum a ‘big shitter’, stormed up to his bedroom, slammed the door and refused to come down for dinner unless he gets what he wants.

“I can’t understand it,” said his mum, as Boris shouted down from his room that he hated everyone, then slammed the door and turned his music up.

“He’s normally such a nice boy.”

However, his sister revealed that the behaviour wasn’t uncharacteristic.

“He can come over as quite nice, but he’s always been a bit of a shit,” she revealed.

“He once stole a Mars bar from Ackbar’s multi mart in the village and then when Mr Ackbar called mum to complain, Boris told everyone he was a paedophile and a terrorist.

“He always spies on me in the shower and even called nana an old shitbag at her funeral.

“People keep letting him off, though, just because he’s quite good at telling jokes. It’s really annoying.”

Boris is currently maintaining his protest by occasionally opening his bedroom window and shouting ‘it’s not fair, let me do what whatever I want’ at anyone who’ll listen.

It is understood that if he still can’t get what he wants by tomorrow, he plans to poo his own pants because he’s ‘in charge and can do what he likes.’

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