Wednesday 25 September 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Mighty Colchester United praise plucky Tottenham Hotspur for “having a go”


Tottenham beaten by Colchester

Footballing giants, Colchester United, have graciously praised the Premier League’s Tottenham Hotspur for holding the League Two side to a draw and only losing on penalties in the Carabao Cup third round.

Colchester United manager, Simon Williams (you couldn’t just google his real name? – Ed) said “Tottenham Hotspur should be very proud of themselves.

“They’ve managed to hold a side several leagues below them to a draw, and only lost on penalties, which is deeply unfair.

“I hope they had a safe journey back to Tottenham from Colchester, which is either down the road or fucking miles away, I’ve temporarily forgotten.”

Tottenham manager, Mauricio Pochettino (ooh well done – Ed) said “Yes, well, there are lots of things we can build on here.

“The first thing we can build on is Eric Dier’s still-warm corpse in a pool of concrete. Then we’ll go from there.”

Colchester United will now progress to the fourth round of the Carabao cup, where they be presumably be thrashed by Bournemouth or something.

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