The first person to stop clapping Jeremy Corbyn’s speech at the Labour Party Conference has been sent to the salt mines, we can report today.
Long-term Labour activist and Blairite Simon Williams stopped clapping after 3 hours and 37 minutes when his hands began to bleed, and was promptly bundled into the back of a van and whisked away for showing disloyalty to the party leadership.
It is hoped that Williams, who is alleged to have called for a show of membership cards in a key vote yesterday against the wishes of party leadership, will quickly learn the error of his ways and will enthusiastically criticise his lack of dedication to the cause upon his release.
“The Labour Party is a broad church with room for a wide range of views,” we were told by a Party insider who begged us not to name him for fear of reprisals.
“And people can choose where to express them; it can be freely and openly when they are views that Jeremy’s supporters will condone, or it can be behind closed doors or not at all when they aren’t.
“That certainly seems fair to me.
“I love Jeremy”, he quickly added, with a quick, furtive look at the door.
“That’s a friendly smile, under his beard.”
Some people are reported to have been critical of the approach and some of the policies taken by Jeremy Corbyn’s supporters, especially in any online debates, but frankly, if they don’t like it they should just JOIN THE TORIES.