It is understood that embattled Prime Minister Boris Johnson will face his greatest humiliation for a couple of hours or so when Parliament votes to take control of business later today.
It comes in the wake of having his prorogation of Parliament ruled illegal, his trousers falling down and taking a cream pie to the face.
Mr Johnson responded robustly to the prospect of ever-greater humiliation.
“If there is one thing my few short months as Prime Minister has taught me,” he said, shortly after loudly breaking wind whilst there was a pause in the conversation.
“It’s how to handle a constant and unrelenting stream of abject humiliation on both domestic and foreign stages.”
Pausing briefly to wipe off the pigeon excrement that had just landed in his hair, Mr Johnson waved to someone who he thought was waving at him but was actually waving at someone else, then got in his car which promptly let out a loud bang and cloud of smoke from the exhaust pipe before all four wheels fell off.
The Prime Minister will return to Parliament at some point today, shortly after standing on a series of rakes which cause the handles to whack him in the face repeatedly.