Tuesday 24 September 2019 by Lucas Wilde

“Ooh f*ck” says Boris Johnson


Fuck says Boris

Boris Johnson’s suspension of parliament was unlawful, according to the UK Supreme Court this morning.

It has transpired that lying to the Queen herself and shutting down parliament under the pretence of various other horseshit in order to get what you want doesn’t go over well with Supreme Court Judges, who have ruled that the Prime Minister acted unlawfully in his proroguing of parliament.

“RUFF RAHHHHH!” wailed the Prime Minister.

“Fuckity balls. What now? I can’t push this Brexit thing through when people are actually looking. I’m going to have to do some ruddy WORK rather than just bumbling through. I’m not used to that, old bean.

“I assumed I would just get what I want here. That’s what’s happened throughout my life…why is it changing now? It’s bloody unfair.

“Oh well. Get me Rees-Mogg, several parliamentary secretaries and some scotch. This is going to get messy.

“..what do you mean, you don’t work for me? Fuck’s sake..”

Labour MP, Simon Williams, said, “Ah, well, that’s a turn-up.”

“Slight shame as I was hoping to finally finish watching Breaking Bad while we were all forced to sit at home. But I suppose upholding UK democracy is slightly more important.

“Margaret! Fetch my parliamentary hat.”

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