Monday 23 September 2019 by Dan Sweryt

Immigration Office ask Thomas Cook for advice on how to keep hundreds of thousands of people out of the country

Boris Johnson

The UK’s Immigration Office has asked failed travel operator Thomas Cook to advise them on how to keep hundreds of thousands of people from entering Britain.

The company has gone into liquidation, leaving 150,000 people up Shit Creek, having taken all the paddles.

Number 10 official Simon Williams said, “We’ve struggled with hitting Theresa May’s prospective immigration targets for years now, and yet Thomas Cook has kept 150,000 people out of the country in a single weekend.

“As such, all their management will be awarded lucrative consultancy positions within the Office for Immigration starting as soon as they are available.

“Which is now, of course.”

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