Thursday 19 September 2019 by Chris Ballard

Boris Johnson to tour country in big red bus with ‘There’s no press here’ on the side


Boris Red bus

The Prime Minister has realised that blatant lies only really work when written on the side of a large red vehicle.

Yesterday Boris Johnson was confronted in a hospital by a new father who spoke to the PM about how the NHS was underfunded and understaffed.

At one point he criticised Boris for using the NHS facility as a press opportunity.

Johnson’s finely honed instincts kicked in, “There’s no press here,” he said directly in front of the press who were filming the conversation.

He went on, “You don’t have a baby, this isn’t a hospital. And I don’t know why you’re having a go at me as I’m not even the Prime Minister.”

Despite all these brilliant lies the man didn’t believe a word of it and pointed out as much to Boris.

Later, the PM reflected on what went wrong.

“Falsehoods are much more powerful when written down,” he said. “I learnt that very early on in my ‘career’ as a ‘journalist’.

“The next time I go to a press opportunity I’ll turn up in a big red bus with ‘This is definitely not a press opportunity’ emblazoned on the side. That’ll fool them!”

The press themselves received criticism for making a big deal out of the fact that the new dad was a Labour activist.

“‘Man with opposing views to Prime Minister disagrees with Prime Minister’ only really works as a headline on one of those excellent spoof news sites,” said Political Analyst Simon Williams.

“Some sections of the media should be rather ashamed of themselves.”

The PM’s supporters rallied around him after the hospital incident, sending him a reassuring message: ‘We love you Boris!’

Written, of course, on the side of a bus.

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