I’ll be whatever you want me to be, teases a flirtatious Jeremy Corbyn

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Jeremy Corbyn has once again proved a delightfully alluring little creature when he responded to a direct question, over what side he would support in a second Brexit referendum, by lasciviously saying he’ll let you decide before reclining on a couch and biting his lower lip.

Many pundits said that the Labour leader’s debut in erotic titillation was a bit clumsy but showed great promise. Simone Williams, an influential adult literature aficionado who reviews top-shelf writing on her blog RisqueReads, confirmed that his new genre could take off.

She explained, “There’s a lot to like. The way he lets you think you’re in control but we all know you’re playing his sensual little game. Keeps you yearning and turning the page. I also like this innovative niche of Brexit smut. It offers so many possibilities. That naughty backstop that needs to learn who’s the boss. Long preliminaries with those sexy Europeans. The whole in or out teasing.

“And you can even go really dark with a subplot of being thrown at the mercy of those ERG men, for those who like the idea of being debased beyond redemption. It’s messed up, yes, but some people like it.”

Ms Williams was sceptical of a social media rumour that Jeremy Corbyn’s declaration was an electoral pitch and not a foray into the world of erotica.

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She went on, “That’s absurd. As niche wank material, his declaration sort of works but as a political strategy, it’s electoral suicide. Leavers will just shun Labour as they see a second referendum as a betrayal. As for remainers, this just reinforces the belief that Jeremy is a closet brexiter and they’ll flock to third parties. It antagonizes everyone and pleases no one.

“There’s no way he would be that stupid. ”