Bank of Mum and Dad to seek government bailout after paying for summer holidays and new school uniforms

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Britains biggest lender, the Bank of Mum and Dad, is understood to be under ‘severe pressure’ after funding both summer holidays and new school uniforms in the last few weeks.

Mum and Dad, who were widely believed to be a stable source of funding, made the request to the Treasury yesterday after seeing the list of trips they’ll be expected to fork out for during the coming school year.

“The Bank of Mum and Dad was formed after a drunken night out in Marbella in 2008, and I don’t think either of the directors ever expected the demands that would be placed upon them by new customers, at least one of whom was unplanned,” said Dad Simon Williams, 37.

“Our capital reserves have  been almost exhausted by excessive exposure to the currency markets, specifically buying enough Euros for a family of four to go to Zakynthos for two weeks in August.”

Mum and Dad have also been accused of a series of unwise deals on the swaps market after arranging several exchange trips to France.

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“The only way we’re going to be able to weather further calls upon equity this term is if the government just prints a shitload of money and gives it to us like they did for everyone else,” they told us.

Reports indicate that ideas to recapitalise the bank have included a hostile liquidation of gran and selling her house, or at least winding her up and relocating her to smaller premises.