Tuesday 17 September 2019 by Lucas Wilde

“Why does no one like me” wonders lying, racist, back-stabbing, divisive, greedy, self-serving prick


Boris Johnson not very popular

Boris Johnson is trying to work out why he keeps getting abuse in the street.

For reasons which remain clear to nobody, the Prime Minister recently embarked on a nationwide tour, during which was told to fuck off in a variety of different accents.

“Scouse was the worst, obviously,” said a government spokesperson.

“I did advise Boris that winning a Conservative party leadership contest where the only other choice is Jeremy Hunt doesn’t necessarily translate into universal popularity.

“But on he went anyway and if he gets told to fuck off five more times, I think I’ve won the pool.”

Boris Johnson commented, “RUFF RAH!

“Oh come on, you lot, be game. It’s not like I’ve done anything to warrant this level of disdain.

“All I did was spearhead a dishonest Brexit campaign, stab a fellow Etonian in the back, stoke hatred towards Muslims, referred to black people as “piccaninnies”, swore in the House of Commons, taken away the very parliamentary sovereignty I claimed to be fighting for, and prepped Britain for nobody but the most sneaky of disaster capitalists.

“But come on, who hasn’t?”

“Why don’t you just fuck off,” suggested Claire, from Leeds.

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