Tuesday 17 September 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Drunken Boris Johnson staggers into Supreme Court and demands trial-by-combat


Boris Johnson at Supreme Court

Boris Johnson has shocked everybody by doing something stupendously daft.

The former Honey Monster and current Prime Minister burst into the main chamber of the Supreme Court with a half-empty tin of Special Brew in his hand, demanding that the legality regarding the proroguing of parliament be settled via combat.

“RUFF RAHHHHH!” declared the visibly intoxicated Prime Minister.

“Let’s have it, shall we? Fists, swords or ruddy cricket bats. I don’t care. Trial by combat is the way forward. It’s the only way for a sensible Britain.

“Let’s have me versus Corbyn, winner take all. No holds barred. And so forth.”

Judge Elizabeth King said, “This almost never happens.

“However, we are considering the Prime Minister’s proposal with the utmost degree of seriousness – which is in stark contrast to the consideration we’ve given his previous proposals.

“I mean…a BRIDGE between Scotland and Northern Ireland? Come off it.

“But a fistfight for Brexit between Johnson and Corbyn? I’d pay to see that.”

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