Monday 16 September 2019 by Arabin Patson

Netflix confirms production of Avengers spinoff based around entitled posh twats from England


Netflix

Boris Johnson was given a boost this morning as Netflix supported his assertion that he was akin to Marvel superhero Hulk and that it had already started filming a TV reboot of the Avengers featuring incredibly privileged snobbish Brits who believe power is their birthright.

Marvel Studios executive, Simon Williams, used the San Dimas Comic-Con to introduced the new characters of the upcoming Netflix series.

“We are constantly trying to keep things fresh and we think that basing the New Avengers on a British political party where everyone went to school together and think owning horses is normal is a bold new direction.

“Bruce Banner will be retired and we will introduce Bors De Pfoffal Jensen, a flabby populist who gets easily flustered into speaking Latin or stammering like Hugh Grant in 4 weddings. Mild-mannered on the surface, he can transform into a creature of pure rage and violence when faced with challenges like girlfriends shouting at him or small Japanese boys trying to play rugby.

“Captain America will become Colonel Jacob Somerset, a gaunt man frozen in 1835 who uses long lost skills to solve today’s injustices like putting poor people in workhouses so that good chaps can upgrade their villa in the British Virgin Islands.”

Asked how Thor would be rebooted, Mr Williams admitted that some characters would not be returning.

“We have to maintain some realism. We based the new avengers on the British Tory party. Thor is a muscular demi-god that has caused sales of vibrators to rocket. There is no universe, real or fictional, where he can co-exist with a talking colostomy bag like Mark Francois.”

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