Drowning children must pass British Citizenship test before being rescued, confirms Daily Mail

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After publishing a controversial article on Mail Online yesterday which has led to some RNLI supporters cancelling their donations, the Daily Mail has today been forced to clarify their position on the RNLI’s overseas work.

Accompanied by the usual sidebar of teenagers in bikinis and speculative, irrelevant gossip, the article detailed how some of the money donated to the RNLI ended up being used in foreign countries.

Mail Online sub-editor and contemptible halfwit Simon Williams told reporters this morning, “We stand by the article we wrote yesterday. You don’t just take down a piece that you spent a good ten minutes writing, do you?

“Look, if the RNLI want people to start giving money to them again then I suggest they only rescue nice, English, white kids, instead of saving kids from the country of Africa or wherever.”

He added, “Or, here’s an idea – save some of the brown ones as well, but only if they can prove themselves to be British enough to be rescued. Ask them to name the Queen’s children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, for example. If they can do that before slipping below the surface, then they deserve to be rescued.”

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Shaking his head in disbelief, RNLI spokesperson Christopher James responded, “We like to help out with projects in other countries, because unlike some people we could mention, we don’t judge the value of a person’s life by the colour of their skin.

“Remind me again how many lives the Mail Online have saved, in total, since it started?

“Thought so.”