One of Britain’s most popular songbirds is wondering why everyone suddenly hates it this morning.
The bird – which is known for its vibrant colours of bright yellow and streaky brown, similar to Nigel Farage’s underpants – was until yesterday best known for cheerfully singing on the top of hedgerows before public opinion turned rapidly against it overnight.
“I can’t do anything right,” said Yellowhammer Simon Warbler.
“I was merrily chirruping to greet the dawn this morning – you know, to cheer up all the commuters like you do – and a bloke in a van shouted I was a fearmongering wanker.
“I mean, what brought that on?
“Then not five minutes later I heard someone on the radio say I was going to destroy their business which they’d spent twenty years building.
“I mean, yeah, I sometimes crap on your car but that’s hardly bankruptcy and unemployment material is it?”