Monday 9 September 2019 by Neil Tollfree

House of Commons schedules day of totally mad shit


parliament planning mad shit

The House of Commons has scheduled a programme of totally mad shit for the day ahead.

The day kicks off at 12.00pm with an hour of totally mad shit. That will then be followed immediately by two hours of totally mad shit. There will then be thirty minutes of totally mad shit. After that, there will be an hour-long debate on the totally mad shit that just happened.

At around seven pm, there will be an hour-long debate on a motion to give badger sets postcodes. MPs will then return to totally mad shit which is expected to go on late into the night.

“In these difficult times, it’s important to create coherent plans,” explained Speaker John Bercow.

“I want all members to be clear what is happening and when.

“If, for example, a member wanted to pop out for a sandwich then he or she would be able to consult the plan and be made aware that they may be about to miss some totally mad shit and act accordingly.”

It is expected that following a day of totally mad shit, Parliament may will find itself no further forward than it is now.

In such a case, the House of Commons has already scheduled a day of completely mad shit for tomorrow.

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