Thursday 5 September 2019 by Lucas Wilde

SNP’s Ian Blackford offers Boris Johnson a fight in the car park


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Things are heating up in the House of Commons after a day of fractious debates saw the government defeated for the third time in twenty-four hours.

With tensions between all parties running at an all-time high, SNP MP Ian Blackford clashed with Prime Minister Boris Johnson, going so far as calling him a “dictator” and demanding that the big blonde bastard actually listens to him rather than having a natter with the Chancellor of the Exchequer.

“RIGHT!” roared the imposing Scot, at a volume that made everyone in the chamber shut up for once.

“See you, Jimmy! With yer fucking thatched head! Don’t wanna listen to any of us do ya? Well how about we throw pretence to the wind and settle this the way men do, with our fucking FISTS?!

“Come on, sunshine. Don’t look at Javid, he’s not offering you a fight, I AM! Look at ME! Right? Car park, Motherwell rules. NOW.”

Labour MP, Elizabeth King, said “This is bloody brilliant

“Ian Blackford is going to have a fist-fight with Boris Johnson. That’s not a sentence I ever thought I’d say, but it’s an unpredictable time in British politics, I suppose.

“I did see Ken Clarke slip Mr. Blackford a knuckle duster, but I don’t think I’m going to tell anybody.”

Boris Johnson commented “RUFF RAH!

“You want a fight, old bean? Well a fight you shall jolly well have…once the motion has been tabled, the vote has been taken, and by which point you’ll hopefully have calmed down.

“Please don’t hit me.”

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