Wednesday 4 September 2019

Man who couldn’t persuade his own MPs to back him insists he can persuade EU to give him a better deal


Boris on parliamentary defeat

Boris Johnson is this morning insisting he could have persuaded the EU to abandon a position it has firmly held for three years, despite being unable to persuade his own MPs of his ability to do so.

Johnson’s government lost a vote last night which means parliament will take control of parliamentary business to force the government to request an extension beyond 31st October should no acceptable Brexit deal be reached before then, which Brexiters are insisting is all part of Dominic Cummings cunning plan. Yes it is, shut up.

The prime minister is now insisting that it would have been easier to persuade the EU to give him a deal than it was to persuade members of his own party to vote in his favour.

“We were on the verge of getting a better deal, but not you’ve ruined it so it’s all your fault – that’s my lie and I’m sticking to it.  Line! I meant line!” Boris told reporters this morning.

“My plan was working perfectly, and now you remainer lot have ballsed it all up.  Ignore the fact that we’ve been threatening the EU with no-deal for the best part of three years and got nothing, the last ten days is definitely where it all happens.”

Meanwhile, borderline simpletons have criticised our sovereign parliament for exercising the powers they are trying to get back for them.

Brexit voter Simon Williams, “I can’t wait to vote this lot out and get some proper British MPs in there who will only exert their sovereignty in ways that I specifically approve of!”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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