Wednesday 4 September 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Jacob Rees-Mogg accused of contempt for Parliament after defecating in the Commons chamber


Jacob Rees-Mogg shits on bench in parliament

Leader of the House Jacob Rees-Mogg has faced criticism from all parties after defecating on the front benches of the Commons chamber during yesterday’s Brexit debate.

During a statement from Green MP Caroline Lucas, Mr Rees-Mogg stood up in centre of the Chamber, dropped his trousers and proceeded to noisily defecate on the front bench.

An incensed Ms Lucas remarked that ‘his contempt for Parliament was clear’ while shouts of ‘stop shitting, man’ could be heard echoing around the Chamber.

Mr Rees-Mogg then stood up and called for his butler to clean both himself and the bench beside him.

After which, he returned to his seat beside the excrement, lay down and went to sleep.

He later denied that his action showed contempt for Parliament and his fellow MPs.

“No, of course not, I have nothing but respect for my fellow colleagues,” he explained, contemptuously.

“It is, of course, perfectly acceptable to relieve oneself on the benches in the Chamber during particularly long debates.

“This was clearly established by the precedent in 1723 when Prime Minister of the day Lord Simon of Williams found himself indisposed by a guts pudding of which he’d partaken for lunch.

“He was, as you remember, forced to defecate on the floor of the chamber during a particularly strident debate on the merits of slaughtering the poor.

“I was merely behaving in the manner established by such precedent.”

In a separate incident, fellow ERG member Mark Francois was caught masturbating during the debate.

He also denied showing contempt, claiming instead that he was ‘a bit bored’.

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