Wednesday 4 September 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Boris denies accusations of lying after revelation he’s actually a 72-year-old lady from Bolton called Beryl


old lady boris Beryl from Bolton

‘Prime’ Minister Boris Johnson has once again been forced to deny that he is a liar after revelations emerged that he isn’t Boris Johnson, but is, in fact, a 72-year-old lady from Bolton called Beryl.

The news that Boris Johnson’s identity is entirely fictional came yesterday when four different old ladies from Bolton confirmed that they’d seen the person claiming to be Boris Johnson at the bingo where everyone knew her as Beryl.

“I am not a liar,” claimed Mr Johnson, who may or may not have been lying.

“I have never at any point claimed that I am not a 72-year-old lady from Bolton called Beryl, and no one has ever asked.

“Of course, if anyone had asked if I was a 72-year-old lady from Bolton called Beryl then I would have responded in the affirmative, as they didn’t, I assumed that it was all perfectly fine.”

The revelation that Mr Johnson is, in fact, a 72-year-old lady from Bolton called Beryl is the latest in a long series of accusations of lying that include suggesting negotiations with the EU are progressing well, suggesting negotiations with the EU are happening, claiming that he knows who his children are, and promising to uphold the best interests of the country.

Asked if he would be standing down as Prime Minister in the wake of the revelations, he immediately ended the conversation, claiming he had ‘important affairs of state to which he was to attend’ before going to sit in McDonald’s and playing Candy Crush.

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