Tuesday 3 September 2019 by Dan Sweryt

Dominic Cummings storms into parliament and sacks John Bercow


dominic cummings fires john bercow

Micro-fuhrer Dominic Cummings has stormed into parliament and fired diminutive speaker John Bercow.

Mr Cummings believes that Mr Bercow is not really helping him get what he wants, so has decided to give him his P45.

Yellow-streaked Tory MP, Simon Williams, who does everything he’s told to by the unelected Mr Cummings, said, “To be honest, as with everything else in society, Mr Cummings – Heil, Mr Cummings! – thinks the whole process would run better with less regulation.

“I was there when the parliamentary session started and he just stormed in right up to the main chair, ‘I don’t give a shit what you think’ and fired him there and then.

“It’s very disappointing House of Commons Security didn’t do anything. Though, to be fair, Mr Cummings – Heil, Mr Cummings! – fired them yesterday.

“Of course, despite my long-held stance that no-deal would be bad for Britain, I’m going to vote in favour of it, because I don’t want to shit my pants today like I have done every day since he joined Number 10.

“If I wasn’t so shit scared of him, you might say it very much feels like he doesn’t really care for parliamentary sovereignty, to be honest.”

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