Tuesday 3 September 2019 by Chris Ballard

Boris asks Putin to put Russian bots on standby


Boris Johnson gets the russian bots ready

With a general election possible next month, the British Prime Minister has contacted the Russian President to ensure that the good old election-interfering bots are ready to leap into action.

If MPs manage to block a no-deal Brexit this week, the government will table a motion to hold a general election in October.

With his premiership at stake Boris isn’t taking any chances.

“It hasn’t escaped my notice that everywhere I go people boo at me,” he said. “Carrie even does it when I climb into bed.

“If left to their own devices there’s a chance that these rotters might not vote for me in sufficient numbers.

“It’s time for the Russian botties!”

An aide whispered in Johnson’s ear.

“Oh, I see. Well, that’s nowhere near as fun but I suppose still jolly useful.”

Vladimir Putin received Boris’ message as he rode a horse topless up a mountain while performing a judo throw on a bear.

“Of course my friend,” said Putin, not even slightly out of breath.

“I want political division and economic catastrophe in Europe and you want to remain Prime Minister. So our goals are mutually compatible.

“What would you like us to say?

“Oh, well perhaps you could make fake photos of Jeremy Corbyn severely frowning at rich people or something,” suggested Boris.

“You could use social media to spread stories about how Corbyn will weaken Britain by removing our nuclear capabilities and by adopting a policy of military non-interventionism. You know, that sort of thing.

“Hmm, very interesting..” said Putin. “I will put my best people on it immediately. Trust me.”

“Excellent, good man!” said Boris. “But if you get a chance some botties would also be magnificent.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: