Saturday 31 August 2019 by Arabin Patson

The 1975 left in tears after clever Tory MP asks them why they aren’t cycling to Japan since they’re against climate change


David Davies on climate change

A planned world tour for the electro-pop music group, The 1975, was in jeopardy last night after legendary wit and Tory MP David Davies, exposed the hypocrisy of their ideals and, worst of all, hinted that middle-aged conservative MPs from South Wales might not like them.

The band’s manager, Simon Williams, revealed that the band was refusing to come out of their room after David Davies wrote them a devastating letter asking them if they were going to walk to Asia since they liked Greta Thurnberg so much.

“It’s completely shattered their confidence. Until now they never realised that urging action on climate change meant having to forgo all fossil fuels in their professional and personal lives. Now they aren’t even sure if they should boil a kettle. Curse his brilliant mind!

“But the most hurtful thing for them was realising that their rash decision to include words from Greta Thurnberg in their last album could have lost them the respect of Tory politicians.”

Mr Davies confirmed that he was indeed the author of the devastating missive and explained he did it out of a duty to educate.

He went on, “I used Westminster stationery because I wanted to make sure I didn’t come across as creepy and pompous. Thankfully there’s not much going on in politics at the moment so I can take the time to write to young musicians who really want my input on how to conduct their professional lives.

“I know it’s a painful lesson, but it’s a necessary one. Just like I when I explain Thatcherism to local teenagers at the skatepark. They might jokingly call me a shit-gargling nonce, but I can see that I’ve gained their respect.”

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