Boris Johnson, who continues to be Prime Minister despite logic, sense and reason, has announced plans to abolish the traditional British government departments and replace them with four new Ministries.
“I’m streamlining our creaky old systems,” chuckled the terrifying lunatic.
The Ministry of Plenty will be the first to get up and running.
“We will need that after Brexit. Its chief concern will be to convince people that there definitely is enough food and medicines, and to remind people that if there are empty shelves in the local Waitrose, then that’s Waitrose’s fault, not Brexit’s, and certainly not mine.”
The Ministry of Truth will be concerned with getting the Government’s message out.
“Now, I know some wags have already dubbed it the Ministries of Lies, but I prefer to say ‘New British Truths’.
“We will no longer be bound with EU definitions of truth and lies, just good honest British truths.
“This ministry will be responsible for creating those truths.”
The Ministry of Peace will be responsible for Northern Ireland.
“Yes, and jolly good luck to them,” laughed Johnson.
“Then there’s the Ministry of Love, my favourite of the Ministries.
“We are aware that some people are critics of both myself and Brexit. This ministry will convince those people that they are incorrect using…techniques.
“Amber Rudd and Nicky Morgan were skeptics, but now they have been through a prototype version of the Ministry of Love, they love me and they love Brexit.
“They do drool rather a lot, but one gets used to it.”
It is expected that the Ministries will be established just in time for Johnson to announce that we are at war with Eastasia.