Wednesday 28 August 2019 by Chris Ballard

Men’s deodorant cans need to be ‘unlocked’ because they’re simpletons who like playing with toys, explain manufacturers


Deodorant can with lock

Companies who make deodorant cans ‘for him’ have revealed why they need to be unlocked prior to spraying – it’s because men are fucking idiots.

Aerosol cans aimed at men often need to be pulled or twisted before their contents can be fired into a chest or shot at an armpit.

Karen Williams has been reading a report by a leading deodorant manufacturer.

“It was absolutely fascinating,” she said.

“I’d seen my husband Simon fiddling with his can but had just assumed this was a safety feature to stop him spraying antiperspirant into his eyes – you know, because men are buffoons.

“But according to this report it’s actually because all male products need to be ‘fun’ and toy-like – you know, because all men are buffoons.

“Come to think of it, that does explain why Simon often shouts ‘Lock and load!’ just before sealing the pores under his arms.”

Simon had a bit of a panic this morning when he ran out of deodorant and had to borrow his wife’s.

“I was obviously reluctant at first,” he said. “I didn’t want to smell all flowery like a woman, did I?

“I seriously considered just stinking before realising that might not go down too well in the office.

“But then I couldn’t work out how to unlock the bloody can! No matter how much I attempted to pump, unscrew or flip, nothing would give!

“I thought I was gonna be late for work but then Karen explained that I just had to press the button and it would start spraying.

“How boring!”

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