‘Liberty, Equality, Fraternity’ says France, ‘Stupidity, Inequality, Paternity’ says Boris

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The Prime Minister’s trip to France has inspired him to create a national motto for the UK.

As Boris Johnson’s mindless optimism continues its tour of Europe the ‘powerfully encouraged’ wally has set out some philosophical principles by which he would like Britain to live.

“My conversations with Merkel and Macron have been inordinately heartening,” said Boris who obviously hasn’t really been listening.

“These European sorts aren’t so bad after all and I think we can learn a lot from them.

“France has this brilliant motto – Stupidity, Inequality, Paternity – or something or other. It really struck a chord with me and my own personal values.

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“Under my leadership, the people of the United Kingdom will adhere to the following principles:

“Stupidity – don’t listen to overqualified academics who spend their whole lives analysing facts and who actually know things. Listen to people like me – salt of the earth citizens who went to the University of Life (Eton branch) and have a degree in common sense (majoring in literae humaniores).

“Inequality – the very bedrock of British society. Who would we be without foodbanks? Without NHS waiting lists? Drifting, identity-less nobodies, that’s who! Remember the words of the great man Churchill – ‘You will fight them on the beaches you bloody, expendable proles!’ Well, I’m sure that’s what he meant.

“Paternity – follow my lead and procreate willy-nilly. It is why we are here, it is the very essence of our existence! As Prime minister I consider myself to be the father of everyone in our illustrious nation! Metaphorically now but soon – literally!

“Just don’t expect any emotional or financial support.”

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