Friday 23 August 2019 Neil Tollfree

Donald Trump announces plans to buy Narnia from Middle Earth


Trump to buy narnia

Bouncing back from the disappointment of not being able to buy Greenland, President of America, King of Israel, Chosen one, and very stable genius Donald Trump has announced a plan to buy the magical land of Narnia from Middle Earth.

“It’s something we’re looking into, you know,” explained the ‘President’ in a completely not mad kind of way.

“I know they’ve had some problems there with an almighty battle between Aslan and the wicked Snow Queen, but the thing you’ve got to remember is there were very fine people on both sides there.”

It is thought that Trump is possibly concerned about America’s lack of presence in any magical realms, and having Narnia as a 51st state could give the US a foothold in the region leading to trading opportunities for magic beans, unicorns and glassware infused with the souls of enemies.

“I like Narnia, it’s a fine place. Lots of fauns,” continued the President.

“And fauns love me, they do. They love me over there. You know I met with Mr Tumnus and he said ‘gee Mr Trump, Aslan’s okay. But, if you were leader then it would really make Narnia great again’.

“That’s what I want to do, folks. Make Narnia great again.”

Middle-Earth has yet to respond to Mr Trump’s plans because it is fictional and doesn’t exist. Narnia, on the other hand, told the President to ‘shit off’.

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