Norwich Cathedral Helter-Skelter gives riders 15 seconds to repent or continue straight down into Hell

author avatar by 4 years ago

The installation of a Helter-Skelter in Norwich Cathedral has given those who ride it one last chance to repent or slide straight into Hell, it has emerged today.

The 16.7m (55ft) vintage fairground ride took four people two days to build in the nave of Norwich Cathedral, and gives those who choose to ride it fifteen seconds to repent or be fast-tracked straight to the underworld.

Reverend Simon Williams, who oversaw the installation explained, “Church attendance is dropping across the country, so we thought a lovely way to lure people in and show them some Christian love would be to build a fairground ride actually IN the church. These newfangled rides are all the rage, I’ve heard.”

He continued, “This one has a twist in it though – anyone who rides it will receive the Christian doctrine of repentance and salvation in the form of a tract to read while they queue.

Then they have the duration of the ride to decide whether they will accept their heavenly reward, or continue straight through a trapdoor in the floor at the base of the ride and carry straight on into the fiery torment of Hell beneath the ground, and Satan’s infernal and everlasting dominion.

“Or alternatively, at the last minute, they can pay 50p for another go – that new lead roof won’t pay for itself you know.”