Newcastle United bring in DIY SOS team to renovate physio room after signing Andy Carroll

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Newcastle United have called in the DIY SOS Big Build team to help bring their physio room up to standard following the signing of Andy Carroll on a free transfer.

Carroll comes with a long list of ailments, and requires specialist care around the clock, and Newcastle has turned to Nick Knowles’ team to help create a room that Andy will be happy to call home.

Nick Knowles told reporters, “Obviously we were surprised to get the call from Newcastle United, but when we heard they were trying to improve the standard of life for poor Andy Carroll, how could we say no?

“We are always looking out for projects where we can help young people who are struggling, and poor little Andy Carroll is effectively lame these days. So that definitely qualifies.

“We’re going to make this physio room a really fun place to be, somewhere he’s happy to come every day, considering this is where he’s going to be spending most of his time.

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“There will be games, and bright colours, and pictures of footballers so he can remember what he used to do – everything he needs to keep him occupied and having fun while the physios deal with whatever injury it is that’s keeping him out of action this week.”

Newcastle Chairman Mike Ashley told reporters, “People will think it’s controversial bringing in DIY SOS for this project, but once I learned that I wouldn’t have to pay for the work being done, it was an absolute no-brainer.

“I’m currently trying to get them to have a go at the rest of the stadium ‘for the fans’, but apparently mistreatment by a club owner doesn’t qualify the supporters as being ‘in need’.”