US gun lobbyists call on government to change law to prevent satirical news sites from making them look stupid

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A confederation of various US gun rights groups has begun a campaign to persuade the US government to restrict the right of satirical news sites to publish articles that make them look like deranged lunatics.

The confederation, which goes under the slogan, “The Communists will not prevail”, says that the Founding Fathers could never have foreseen the number of satirical news sites that would exist in the future, so a change in the law is obviously more than justified.

“It just kills us when we have to open up Facebook or Twitter after one of these shootings and see another bullshit article making a mockery of our right to bear arms,” said Chuck-Lee Williams, a spokesman for the groups.

“It’s like a shot to the stomach having to read all of that crap over and over again. We are just so dead tired of having to see this shit all of the time, day after day, year after year, every time a madman with a gun kills a load of people.

“At moments like these,” Mr Davis continued, “it’s easy to forget that the real victims of mass-shootings are us gun-rights activists, who have to endure all of these poorly constructed parody news sites thinking they’re clever by trying to make us look like a bunch of slack-jawed jackasses to the rest of the world.

“You think calling us names and making jokes that poke fun of our absurd positions will make us change our minds and give up our guns? What are you, a libtard cuck?

“I would be better all-round if we just amend the constitution to make it illegal for you to keep saying mean things about us.”