Friday 2 August 2019 by Arabin Patson

Tory MPs looking forward to getting ‘whatever they f*cking want’ from Boris Johnson


MPs to get things from Boris

Following Boris Johnson’s majority being reduced to one, the Tories in safe seats, that could now topple the government with a defection, have been making wish lists of the bribes they will need not to cross the aisle and make him the shortest-serving PM in British history.

Simon Williams, who has been the Tory MP for Wiltshire for three decades, is one of several who are musing over what they will require so as to not throw him under the bus.

He explained, “I’m more or less part of the farming calendar in my constituency. They vote for me like they make hay at the end of summer. I don’t need party HQ and Boris knows it.

“So I would rather like to be made junior minister for relations with Tahiti. And the government should support my bill to make grime music illegal. As or the constituency, I hear a tech hub is a good thing, whatever it is, so they can set one up. But none of those ghastly solar panels.

“Or maybe they can move MI6 to Salisbury. I’ve not decided yet.”

Downing Street would not comment on the irony of a prime minister who based his rise on taking back control being completely at the mercy of any backbencher who wants to be pandered to.

However, off the record, a Downing Street insider admitted that the Brecon loss left the Prime Minister in a tight spot.

“Frankly, it won’t be possible to satisfy every red-faced functional alcoholic with a rural constituency. This will eventually come to a head and Boris Johnson will then have only person he can truly rely on to keep him in power.

“Jeremy Corbyn.”

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